Four arachno myths debunked!

Good news - it's as humane to kill an arachno as it is to put it outside, because it'll probably die anyway: and despite urban legends, you're not swallowing the little bastards as you snore away...

Article below from Everett, Washington Heraldnet.com ("S"-word subsituted throughout):

Four arachno myths debunked

By Sarah Jackson, Herald Writer

It's arachno season.

They're all over the garden. They're in the house. Eeeeek!

In honor of this creepy-crawly time of year, we proudly present perhaps the greatest arachno Web site of all time: “Myths, Misconceptions, and Superstitions About Arachnos."

Not only is it easy to read, it also is penned by a local, Rod Crawford, the curator of arachnids at the Burke Museum of Natural History and Culture in Seattle. (Is there a more awesome job title?) [Yes ~ arachnono blogger]

Here are a few of Crawford's myth-busters. [NB: caution!! The following link contains images of arachnids] See this link for more.

MYTH: arachnos come into houses in the fall to get out of the cold.

FACT: Those arachnos are already inside your house 95 percent of the time. Also, putting indoor arachnos “back” outside usually kills them, so you aren't doing them any favors.

“House arachnos belong to a small number of species specially adapted for indoor conditions (constant climate, poor food supply, very poor water supply).

“Some house arachno species have been living indoors at least since the days of the Roman Empire.”

MYTH: arachnos found in bathtubs or sinks have come up through the drains from the sewers.

FACT: Sorry, Charlie. “This myth … shows how very reluctant people are to confront the idea that the arachnos in their house live there all the time.

“Modern drains contain a liquid-filled sediment trap through which arachnos cannot penetrate.”

MYTH: An arachno bit me while I was asleep.

FACT: You're more likely to have a case of MRSA. “Skin bumps and sores noticed in the morning are generally caused by nonbite disease conditions.

“Currently MRSA bacteria are among the leading causes of alleged ‘arachno bites.' The minority that are really bites are caused by bloodsucking insects such as fleas, bedbugs, kissing bugs, lice or assorted flies; less commonly by mites or ticks.”

MYTH: You unknowingly swallow an average of four live arachnos in your sleep each year.

FACT: Thank goodness, no. “This very widespread urban legend has no basis in fact. For a sleeping person to swallow even one live arachno would involve so many highly unlikely circumstances that for practical purposes we can rule out the possibility.

“No such case is on formal record anywhere in scientific or medical literature.”

Source: www.heraldnet.com/article/20091019/LIVING/710199829 - at time of posting this article didn't have any arachnid images, however content-sensitive advertising may change that, so click with caution!

I've heard that myth about eating the eight-legged freaks in your sleep numerous times - usually retold by a non-arachnophobe hoping to freak me out. While it never washed with me, I know it troubles some people, so very good to have an authoritative expert laying it to rest!

Man calls for ban on rubber arachnos

The Telegraph picked up on this story, and had to illustrate it with - guess what?

Yes! A big bloody picture of an arachnid.

Wankers.

Anyway, below is the report on the man who's possibly Britain's Worst (or, Best - take your pick) Arachnophobe, from his local paper, the Yorkshire Post - as usual the "S" word is replaced throughout:

Arachnophobia victim pleads for toy arachnos ban
Published Date: 14 October 2009
By Mark Branagan

AN arachnophobia victim is calling for a ban on rubber arachnos being displayed in shops for Halloween – claiming even toy versions could give him heart failure.

John Stafford, 54, of Scarborough, says doctors have warned him that even joke store arachnos could trigger a fatal collapse – and he has already had one brush with death this month.

After seeing some arachnos in a shop window in the town he collapsed and had to be supported by his wife, who thought that he had died in her arms.

Mr Stafford, who is so scared of spying an arachno that he spends October 31 indoors, said: "When I tell shop owners about it they think it's funny, but it's not a laughing matter. I stop breathing and pass out, it's just terrifying.

"My doctor said that my heart is so badly bruised now that a bad attack could be fatal."

Mr Stafford wants shopkeepers to be banned from putting arachno displays in their windows.

He said: "It's just thoughtless – they don't realise the effect they can have on people."

His wife Maria, 44, added: "The other day we saw a window in Eastborough that had some arachnos and I thought I'd nearly lost him. He just slumped and fell against me – I had to hit him with my keys to bring him round."

Several shops in Scarborough have put toy arachnos in their windows, including Thomas the Baker in Westborough.

Manager Sue Barr said: "It's just a bit of fun. I'm a bit shocked to hear about this chap's reaction. We obviously never intended to cause anybody any harm."

Source: warning, the advert on this page is being blocked by my computer, it might carry an arachnid image based on the text, I don't know - yorkshirepost.co.uk. At time of posting there wasn't an image illustrating the story though - for which, credit where it's due.

Poor guy! Even we're not that badly affected - oh, but if you're reading this and having any smart-arsed notions of superiority, just imagine how you'd feel walking home one night, and someone jumps out at you holding a gun and demanding your wallet - would you be any less frightened in that moment, just because it later turns out it was a replica?

Thought not!

The media censor certain kinds of violence and gore from our screens, including in news reports, in case they cause distress, so why not protect us arachnophobes from the thing that causes us so much fear?

And most pre-packaged food these days has a warning it might carry traces of nuts, because of a relatively rare but life-threatening reaction... why can't we be offered the same protection?

Personally I don't think legal bans are in order - we've got enough fucking new laws in this country: just a little common sense, and sensitivity towards those of us who jump at the sight of a tomato stem, or anything resembling an arachno...

After all, it's NEVER about whether the little sods can physically harm us - anyone who tries to preach that old chestnut needs to go look up the definition of phobia - irrational fear.

Anyway everyone here wishes Mr Stafford and his wife all the very best, and hope he manages to avoid all arachnos, both real and fake, for many many decades to come.

In fact hats off to the guy for ever leaving the house: he's showing more courage on a daily basis than most people ever need to find.

What do you think - have you ever had a nasty scare from a fake arachno, and do you think shop-owners should be dissuaded from using these things in their displays around Halloween?

Inconsiderate BASTARDS!

I've spent ALL WEEK avoiding BBC News Magazine - normally, a laugh.

But now - NO.

They stuck a fucking big picture of an ARACHNO on their homepage, because of some tedious thing about dictionaries, and now I spent all week making like Monk screening half their page with my HAND to find links to their letters, and other funnies....

Gotta larf!

Anyway here's the EDITED page:


The Bad Thing was where I've placed a black block of inkiness, and typed "HERE!" - in fuschia pink, for extra fun...

If you're utterly mental and want to view a screencap of the page with the big greenish arachno on it, click here - though really, really, don't!!

Bastards!

(Be warned it still has that image on, as of 18/09/09.... anyway here's the BBC News Magazine link. Bastards!)

Update: It's gone now - finally. There is a smallish photo of a not-so-scary, outdoors-style arachno on the home page of BBC News (UK version anyway) for the link to the story about 2009 being a bumper year, but it's not THAT bad, and will hopefully be gone soonish...