Man calls for ban on rubber arachnos

The Telegraph picked up on this story, and had to illustrate it with - guess what?

Yes! A big bloody picture of an arachnid.

Wankers.

Anyway, below is the report on the man who's possibly Britain's Worst (or, Best - take your pick) Arachnophobe, from his local paper, the Yorkshire Post - as usual the "S" word is replaced throughout:

Arachnophobia victim pleads for toy arachnos ban
Published Date: 14 October 2009
By Mark Branagan

AN arachnophobia victim is calling for a ban on rubber arachnos being displayed in shops for Halloween – claiming even toy versions could give him heart failure.

John Stafford, 54, of Scarborough, says doctors have warned him that even joke store arachnos could trigger a fatal collapse – and he has already had one brush with death this month.

After seeing some arachnos in a shop window in the town he collapsed and had to be supported by his wife, who thought that he had died in her arms.

Mr Stafford, who is so scared of spying an arachno that he spends October 31 indoors, said: "When I tell shop owners about it they think it's funny, but it's not a laughing matter. I stop breathing and pass out, it's just terrifying.

"My doctor said that my heart is so badly bruised now that a bad attack could be fatal."

Mr Stafford wants shopkeepers to be banned from putting arachno displays in their windows.

He said: "It's just thoughtless – they don't realise the effect they can have on people."

His wife Maria, 44, added: "The other day we saw a window in Eastborough that had some arachnos and I thought I'd nearly lost him. He just slumped and fell against me – I had to hit him with my keys to bring him round."

Several shops in Scarborough have put toy arachnos in their windows, including Thomas the Baker in Westborough.

Manager Sue Barr said: "It's just a bit of fun. I'm a bit shocked to hear about this chap's reaction. We obviously never intended to cause anybody any harm."

Source: warning, the advert on this page is being blocked by my computer, it might carry an arachnid image based on the text, I don't know - yorkshirepost.co.uk. At time of posting there wasn't an image illustrating the story though - for which, credit where it's due.

Poor guy! Even we're not that badly affected - oh, but if you're reading this and having any smart-arsed notions of superiority, just imagine how you'd feel walking home one night, and someone jumps out at you holding a gun and demanding your wallet - would you be any less frightened in that moment, just because it later turns out it was a replica?

Thought not!

The media censor certain kinds of violence and gore from our screens, including in news reports, in case they cause distress, so why not protect us arachnophobes from the thing that causes us so much fear?

And most pre-packaged food these days has a warning it might carry traces of nuts, because of a relatively rare but life-threatening reaction... why can't we be offered the same protection?

Personally I don't think legal bans are in order - we've got enough fucking new laws in this country: just a little common sense, and sensitivity towards those of us who jump at the sight of a tomato stem, or anything resembling an arachno...

After all, it's NEVER about whether the little sods can physically harm us - anyone who tries to preach that old chestnut needs to go look up the definition of phobia - irrational fear.

Anyway everyone here wishes Mr Stafford and his wife all the very best, and hope he manages to avoid all arachnos, both real and fake, for many many decades to come.

In fact hats off to the guy for ever leaving the house: he's showing more courage on a daily basis than most people ever need to find.

What do you think - have you ever had a nasty scare from a fake arachno, and do you think shop-owners should be dissuaded from using these things in their displays around Halloween?